When you focus with someone on a problem they are having, you are not helping them or you, because you are both adding energy to the problem.
Knowing this, it is very important for you and the other person to focus on what you both want. The person with the problem should be encouraged to speak about what they want instead of about the problem, which is what they don’t want. The problem arose in the first place from the person thinking or talking about what they didn’t want, so the chain reaction must stop. Help those close to you by encouraging them to speak the words they want. That is always the solution.